I’m going to cut right to the chase here – for women, the love, the sex, and the orgasm doesn’t have to do with what’s below the belt. What you really have to do is to arouse her mind. That’s right, guys. Shoving a hand down her pants and attempting to “warm her up” with no pre-amble just isn’t going to cut it. Not to fear; there are many ways you can spread the warm tingles from a woman’s mind, all the way down to her toes.

The first thing you can do is build anticipation. As you’re about to walk out the door, draw your woman aside for a moment and whisper in her ear all of the naughty things you can’t wait to do to her later. She’ll be excited and gearing to go all day. Send little text messages or give short phone calls throughout the day, sharing a glimpse of what you have planned. This can be anything from what article of clothing you’ll be taking off of her, to what body part you will be touching.

Another obvious choice, though not used enough, is to share a fantasy. Your girl wants to know what you want, and you will be surprised how far she will go to be sure that your fantasy comes true. Be honest and open with her, but be sure to mention that it’s her specifically that you want to be in this fantasy moment with you.

While in your fantasy, remember to talk dirty. For some, this comes naturally. For others, it feels staged and unnatural. But dirty talk can very well get your girl to deliver what she otherwise would not. The important thing is to make it feel natural for you. If you’re just getting into the dirty talking, a good line in the midst of things that your girl will like is asking, “Who’s your man?” or any variation of that (“master” can also work amazingly well). Your girl will moan the answer, “Yooouuu!” and bang! You’re set. Work on finding your dirty talk voice (think of low tones and whispers) and practice it when you’re alone. Feel ridiculous doing it? Just think of the benefits you’ll reap from doing it.

Here’s another obvious choice: visit ye olde XXX shoppe. It can be tricky to get a girl into an adult store, though more often than not she’ll be into it. You can offer to buy her something she wants from the store, whether it is an outfit or a toy, to try and coerce her. If there’s no way you can coerce her, then visit your local bookstore and pick out a book or game about sex together. Bookstores don’t have the same “taboo” attached to them as an adult store does, so the more “conservative” lady will feel safe there.

If you did go to the adult store, or plan on doing so, think about things to buy there for when the lights are off. If you have been with your girl for a while, then you may have also adjusted to getting sexy with the lights on. But turn the lights off, and you may receive some increasingly kinky behaviors. Pick up some glow in the dark toys from the adult store – whether they are a glow in the dark condoms, body paint, or even toys (such as a vibrator or dildo).

Lastly and most importantly, the number one way to turn on the kink is to move it out of the bedroom. Go for the classic dining room table or dryer. Or maybe surprise her in the shower. The kitchen works nicely, too. Just remember in whatever you do to kiss her a lot and touch her softly. Oh, and don’t always opt for sex when you can be having it, either. This may very well to boredom. Change it up with some other pleasure tactics, and she’ll be sure to return the favor.